The New Adventures of Miss Katerina Juan

Holiday Movies

2007-01-05T01:32:00.000-08:00

Here are my reviews of all the movies I've watched on holiday so far. (And if you are concerned I have been forsaking summer sun for cinema darkness, bear in mind how long the flight to Australia is and the wonders of on-demand in-flight entertainment.) I have, inexplicably, gone with the poncy Time Out method of marking out of 6.

Happy Feet ***...
No Nemo. With an ending that is as preposterous as it is badly executed, this toe-tapper misses as much as it hits.

Superman Returns *****.
And oh boy is he back with a bang. Bryan Singer is the MAN and I want to have his babies. (oh wait- his and his boyfriend's babies.)

Scoop **....
Seeing as it has a central COMEDY plot-line about a serial prostute-strangler, British audiences may be lucky enough to find this delayed or even abandoned by cinemas. Clearly a lot of tragically under-rehearsed improvisation going on, even by the usually faultless Hugh Jackman and Scarlett Johannson. Where did the Woody Allen that made Annie Hall go and when can we have him back?

Fast Food Nation ****..
Whilst lack of plot makes it difficult to commit to the characters, this tapestry of stories connected to a fictional major fast food chain is eye-opening and unsettling, if unapologetically one-sided. You'll never eat a burger again.

The Holiday ***...
Lumpily directed and in need of a serious edit of the opening 20 minutes, this conventional sugar-coated romcom does exactly what it says on the tin. Jude Law takes a bare script and creates a 3-dimensional character that demands you fall in love with him while the other 3 look like they are doing impressions of people in other rom-coms they watched one. (Kate Winslet's Bridget Jones is particularly unsettling). In need of more laughs but easy on the eye.

Little Miss Sunshine *****.
Steve Carell leads an enormously talented cast in this road-trip study of a delightfully dysfunctional family. Surely the performance of his career.

Night At The Mueum ***...
Jumanji III with the saving grace of Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan in an inspired double-act. If only someone had allowed them more screentime and let them riff. The 13, 15 and 16 year old girls I took loved it.

Trust The Man ****..
A gentle look at two struggling long-term relationships. The Last Kiss meets Sex and the City. Perfectly involving but completely unaffecting making it ideal in-flight entertainment.

IMAX Deep sea 3D ***...
Often beautiful. Occasionally educational. And giant squid attck your face.

Before Sunset ******
Still as perfect on what must be my 6th or 7th viewing. A masterclass in screen acting and writing with bucket loads of unmissable intelligent insights into relationships, romance and growing older. Breathtaking.

Book Review

2007-01-01T02:12:00.000-08:00

IF YOU ARE A GIRL. IF YOU LAUGHED OUT LOUD WHEN YOU READ BRIDGET JONES. IF YOU HAVE JUST BEEN TO SEE CASINO ROYALE AND MENTALLY WILLED ON DANIEL CRAIG AS HE RUNS AND PUNCHES AND ESCAPES DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. GO AND BUY THE FOLLOWING BOOK IMMEDIATELY:
OLIVIA JOULES AND THE OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION by Helen Fielding.
I have just spent the entire day in pyjamas unable to put it down. What fun.

BLOG FROM OZ: Day 11 and a half

2006-12-30T17:46:00.000-08:00

Haven't blogged for a bit, so here's your catch up:

Christmas happened. We opened presents. Mum's most random offerings this year included; a heavy wooden foot massager (that no-one will be able to get back on the plane), a solar-powered rucksack(-actually, like last years' furry boots, i secretly love it- when not charging my phone or ipod it makes me feel like a proper international backpacker) and SQUATTER: 'Australia's Favourite Boardgame' (an overly complicated Monopoly-like thing to do with sheep-herding that no-one in Australia seems to have heard of). Spent the morning on the beach and the afternoon playing monopoly (yes actual monopoly) with my cousins. Dinner started at 5 and ended at midnight. There was prawns, sushi, lots of salads and things on sticks and my uncle cooked a huge turkey on the barbeque. It was a lovely day and absolutely nothing like Christmas. Aussies don't seem to go in for Christmas the way most of the world do: so there was less commercial frenzy but also just less magic, less joy and less of an event. Hardly anyone had decorations up other than the odd fairy lights- and when I got to Melbourne (a major urban capital - there was barely any sign that Christmas had happened at all.

Oh yeah and Em got stung by jellyfish (twice) but she was ok and she wouldn't let any of us pee on her.

Melbourne rocked. Trams, cafes, big arts/music/culture scene, unpredictable weather: wandering around Melbourne you forget you're in Australia because it feels so much like Europe. Actually although they joke that in Melbourne you can experience 4 seasons in 1 day, I think we must've taken the sunshine with us beacuse it was like glorious British Summertime the entire 3 days.

Spent day at cricket which was surprisingly pleasant. Sat in middle of Boony Army stand because Em said it had best view. Aussie supporters hardly made any noise at all whilst Barmy Army (on other side) were noisy and raucous throughout - although hard to get irritated by such commitment and intonation and co-ordination. They even had choreography. And a very good trumpeter. (Could improve diction - have instructed Flan accordingly). At one point some lads in our stand attempted Waltzing Matilda and it was a musical train-wreck. Is there something in Australian DNA that incapacitates them from singing in tune? Also Em and I gave Flan a dare to get one of his song lyrics into a Barmy Army chant for Sydney. Baring in mind he is not really in the clique that organises such things this could be something of a challenge, but I have faith in him...
Anyway, I supported the Aussies because:
a) They surrounded us
b) They had effectively already won
c) I wanted an inflatable giant finger. They said "GO AUSSIES" on them.
Yeah it was mostly C.

So my team won which was fun, and Shane Warne was really good and everything and it was a lovely day made even better by my sister's expert commentary to me of the things that really mattered in the game; eg. the supporters not letting the beach balls bounce near the policemen because they confiscate them. Emma switched (she is SO fickel) to support Australia in the last hour as well because if thay didn't bowl out the English team quickly then her mate Pete who is a cricket reporter wasn't going to be able to come to dinner with us. You will all be most impressed that my book didn't come out of my bag once.

Had the most fabulous gourmet 3-course meal at the Graham Hotel in Port Melbourne (way out in sticks) that would've certainly cost you £65 or £70 per head excluding drinks in England. We had 3 courses, a good deal of top wine and coffees for £35 each and the service was literally second-to-none.

At Melbourne Museum saw massive bugs, sharks' jaws, dinosaurs and boring history stuff (who wants to learn about that?) plus the Robinson's family kitchen (actual Neighbours set complete with Scott and Charlene's wedding cake if you looked inside the fridge.) Also went up Observation deck and saw sting-rays the size of a sofa at Melbourne Aquarium.

Met up with Flan and three of his little cricket buds (they were in reality quite tall and butch) for dinner. Had been in "Kate-the-international-backpacking-queen-with-actual-backpack mode all day without a trip back to hotel and looked totally gross, so was especially destraught to find all four looking smart for dinner and one incredibly good-looking. Felt like showing them all a picture of me the night before when I had made a huge effort for dinner and looked glam. Thankfully witheld this urge. We ate at St. Kilda which is by the beach and looked like a Spanish town. Toilets had pictures of cross-dressers on them making entering correct sex toilet a gamble. Not everyone was successful. Night ended in bizarre scenario of getting myself locked out of my hotel room and having to sleep on my parents' floor.

On arrival back in Perth I have traded in my sister for someone with more skirts. Sarah is now spending her first morning here and would like to share that her hair is doing a similar act to that Friends episode where Monica goes to Hawaii.

Signing off.

BUG COUNT: 1 more house cockroach which Sarah tried to save by putting it under a glass (clearly no scrabble was going to get played until it was dealt with) but to no avail - Dad trod on it as soon as he arrived home.
FRECKLE COUNT: Sarah is refusing to count them. Have peely shoulders.
ALCOHOL UNITS CONSUMED: mehnee mehnee mehnee

BLOG FROM OZ: Day 3 and a half

2006-12-24T06:54:00.000-08:00

Well we have just seen in Christmas day with a session of late night pool action. My dad, my sister and my 13 year old cousin were goofing around making up ball games (including my personal favourite: one-handed catch-no feet touching floor) when my sister dragged me in fully clothed to even up the numbers. Sarah's poor skirt, once knee-length is now down to my ankles. Feel sure that, as is true of all Aussie soaps, everything'll come out in the wash.

More weirdness: in a church service on the other side of the world I did not expect to become the subject of the sermon... not even metaphorically. But at a mega-church in Perth v. like Hillsongs (although a bit more Healing-centric), quite randomly half way through her talk this morning, the ex-Tennis champ Pastor woke the lot of us up by saying : "I met a reporter from the Observer in England last week and she said her mum was an ex-Lawyer in ministry and her sister was just going into ministry, and I said to her 'You stay where you are! We need Christians in journalism..." The John family fame spreads beyond the Beds Bucks border.

Well, it is already Christmas day, so I guess I should dry my hair and get some shut-eye before the madness of splitting presents between 15 people. Then we're off to the beach (5 min. walk) to sun ourselves before lunch. Beach is stunning must post pics if I ever work out how to do that.

Bug Count: 1 small cockroach and 4 v. itchy mossy bites (didn't technically see them)
Freckles: 25 and rising...

MERRY CHRISTMAS LOVLIES! Hope you're day is magical and santa brings goodies and the roasties are crisp on the outside and soft in the middle.
Much love to you all.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

BLOG FROM OZ – Day 1 and a half

2006-12-22T07:11:00.000-08:00

After almost 36 hours of no sleep (I don’t do sleeping on planes but thanks to the wonders of “entertainment on demand” I discovered my talent for non-stop movie-watching – perhaps I could break a Guinness World Record? 48 hours has gotta be easy enough –wait, might have to rig DVD player up in toilet –certainly have no talent for going long periods without peeing...) anyhoo, I have arrived in Perth where it is super hot in the knowledge that everyone who said Superman Returns was bad are wrong and stupid.
The little suburban road we live on (in a beautiful house) looks reassuringly like Ramsey Street. My uncle and aunt’s house is round the corner. You definitely know you’re in Oz -everywhere the roads are dusty red and the signs are diamond-shaped. Emma has got burnt THROUGH her giant medical stocking. Our cousins who are all four in the mental image I have of them are inexplicably in their late teens: quiet, cool surfer dude/dudettes. They left the table when the conversation got boring and I realised that I am now one of the grown-ups at family gatherings who stays up late on the patio talking about the dogs and drinking Cabarnet Savign……wait, I can’t spell it – oh that’s a relief…
Mum and I went to the mall this morning to do our Christmas shopping. While we were putting our santa-patterned wrapping paper into our bags, the Musak-arrangement of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (one small step away from pan pipes) was interrupted by a radio announcement: “Many of us will experience bush fires this Summer…”
BUG COUNT SO FAR: 1 persistently kamikaze fly.

I'm a BAD PERSON

2006-11-14T05:49:00.000-08:00

I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here is the ultimate in unimaginative, exploitative televisual trash.
Quite apart from the fact that these reality shows come back series after series with the same format, the same sleazy partnership with the tabloid press and increasingly obscure wannabes, chasing "real" (oh the irony) drama from the screen with a rolled up OK magazine in one hand and a snake in the other.....
Quite apart from all that, I'm a Celebrity, is, let's face it, even more like the gladiatorial arena than the X Factor. Throw 'em to the crocs and we'll pay to watch them scream.

So how terrible is it that last night I watched, from behind a pillow, as one of these desperate hopefuls (her name, i think was Jan- I couldn't tell you for what she has been granted the sought-after title "Celebrity") was lowered down into a pitch black pit with snakes, tarantulas and the like. And not only did I watch, but I squirmed, squeaked, and yes... enjoyed myself a little bit.

Happy Days

2006-11-10T05:36:00.000-08:00

I have election joy. America seems to have awoken from it's slumber (is it possible they ate a massive poisoned apple? although i think George Jnr. is more mushy off banana.)
The leaders of the "free world" have also decided that having (sometimes violently) exported sexual equality around the world, they will now embrace it back home - Hoorah for the first female Speaker.

SUPERKATE

2006-11-06T12:59:00.000-08:00

Look - I am a sexy ninja assassin! (ok so i'm also a crummy movie)

Check out what super hero you are on blogthings.com......

You Are Elektra

There's really no superhero with more style than you.Because who could beat being sexy assasin ninja?

What Superhero Are You?,

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsuperheroareyouquiz/

Theatre Review

2006-07-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

This week I saw a play about a gay threesome. Luckily for you guys it was so dreadful I can't bring myself to review it (see Time Out for Emma's slating).
No this review is about something I saw 2 weeks ago. Something funnier. Something furrier...

The chances are you've never heard of Julie Atherton. I, however, have been her biggest fan for 4 years. She's a young musical-theatre actress with a tiny CV, but a consistent track-record of laugh-out-loud delightfulness and charismatic versitility. Now I want to BE her... Why? Because she is currently starring in one of the finest shows you will ever see in the West End.

AVENUE Q, for those with no former furry-awareness, is based on the following simple idea:
Seasame Street helped teach us so much when we were kids- what if they made a version of the all-singing, all-counting, almost-all-muppet TV show for grown-ups to help negotitate that tricky post-uni quarter-life crisis?

The book handles this concept adeptly, skilfully avoiding allowing it to limit characters or tie down plot. On the night I saw it, the audience were so engaged with the plight of the muppets that there were in fact some very un-British sighs and cheers.

Most excitingly for me, this British transfer (from Broadway) is a bit like the holy grail of pitch-perfect casting - (yes, casting so good it deserved two metaphors) - A HIGHLY talented, charismatic and skilled ensemble prove once and for all that you CAN cast a West End show with brilliant nobodys and create a piece of theatre infinately superior to the usual bland assortment of "Her-From-Corrie-For -3-Weeks-Only" nonsense. This is the result of a rare and admiral decision by producers, and one that pays off (artistically at least). The cast negotiates a spectrum of specific and tricky muppet voices with ease, many playing multiple characters, all looking like they've been puppeteering all their lives. So committed, in fact, is this show to great casting, that, unable to find an actress of Japanese origin good enough for the part of Christmas Eve, they have paid (through the nose) to have the original Broadway 'Eve' reprise her role over here.

Beautifully designed, creatively staged, tightly choreographed, written and directed with a razor-sharp wit and great big heart- (Songs include: "What do you do with a BA in English?" and "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist") - This wonderful piece of theatre will have you singing "It sucks to be me" all the way home with a smile on your face and a skip in your step.
Just have a beer first. And don't take your grandma.

BUDS (wassssssssssup)

2006-06-19T08:27:00.000-07:00

Emma and I were whinging in the car the other day (nothing new there) about the current (volcanic) state of our faces , dangerously expanding condition of our overdrafts (not to mention beer-bellies) and the spectacular lack of success in our current career/relationship plans.
We have therefore formed a small but elite group which we are naming the Broke Ugly and Disillusioned Society (BUDS). Perhaps we makeshift band of mega-losers will take on the criminals of the metropolis with secret identities like Lardy Girl, Thrift or The Loser-er. Having no super powers whatsoever and breaking into a sweat just from walking to the bus stop WILL NOT STOP US.... NO! We will show who's boss to criminals such as chewing-gum-leaver-ers and people who toot their horns after 11 by tutting loudly and complaining about them in the pub.
Or perhaps we'll just pick our spots and go to bed.

Kate does sport

2006-06-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

Just discovered Top Golf. I know it's so last year.
Was lots of fun. I totally sucked.

Birthday Surprise (Surprise)

2006-06-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

Very excited.
In March Rob bought me tickets to go see AVENUE Q for my birthday.
Completely forgot about this and have been looking longingly at the posters on the tube.
(sarah thinks i have early-onset senility)
Going tomorrow night... hooro hooras hoorat hooramus hooratis hoorant! (hooray!)

Making me angry today

2006-04-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

The home office wanting to lessen the number of custodial sentances for men convicted of domestic abuse by allowing more to pay fines or do community work. Apparently if they're "sorry" prison is an unnecessary measure for men who beat up their girlfriends.
I know, why don't we just have that for all crimes? "Yes I did commit multiple axe murders your honour but I've said the magic word so I'll just take one of those nice 'paint your neighbours' fence jobbies' if that's alright with you..."
Violence is, according to experts, a "learned behaviour", which is great because it means that people can change. But removing custodial sentances, sends a message that domestic abuse isn't as bad somehow as other violent crimes, and if you send out that message you can't expect men not to "learn" it.

Just rang Kate Moss

2006-04-11T00:59:00.000-07:00

...well, her agent. She's a size 8.

BORED

2006-04-11T00:56:00.000-07:00

Am blogging from work. Sat at desk with nothing to do but answer the phone, which rings approximately once an hour. I wish I cuold tell you I'm having deep, profound thoughts amidst all this silent inactivity, but it seems I'm incapable of interesting thought today. SO I have drawn a picture of a group of woodland animals worshipping a disused coke can on a post-it.

Things I've Learned This Week

2006-03-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

Where Istanbul is.
The futility of procrastination.
The ability to make a fire that lasts over 60 seconds is located on the Y chromosome.
Lovely old people are better than chocolate (but not to eat).
Mean old people can be super scary.
It's difficult to write a school report for a kid that's really nice but completely hopeless at your subject.
Making a film is really really hard. (Watched Lost In La Mancha with Terry Gilliam & Johnny Depp, I mean, not with them, I watched it with Jude but they were in it).
Making a film is especially hard if your film has half the budget it needs and the actors don't show up on time and you're filming next to a military bomb-testing site which wasn't supposed to be operational but clearly is and a freak storm washes away not only your equipment but also the landscape you chose for the setting and your star gets too sick to sit on a horse and the whole film is him on a horse and you're legally not allowed to replace him. (Seriously...watch the documentary- it's brilliant, unbearable viewing).
"dinnerladies" is all in lower case at the start of the world's greatest sitcom because Victoria Wood originally thought it would be funny to write an "er" parody set somewhere banal like a factory canteen.
Lambaste means "Beat or Reprimand Severely" and John Cabot was a Tudor explorer. God bless the Guardian crossword.
I really really really do need that chocolate bar after an audition.

1/3rd Lived-Out

2006-02-24T14:55:00.000-08:00

With my 25th birthday looming unsettlingly on the horizon, I am being forced to take stock. (The running-away option fell at the first hurdle- no money for a plane ticket!) Today it dawned on me that if I'm lucky I am already a third of the way through my life.
So far I have primarily taken the "sit back and see what happens" approach to life. Which hasn't served me badly to be honest - (i think God likes me) - I've always had amazing people around me, learnt a few things (often several times), done quite a lot of random fun stuff (emphasis on random- definitely accumulating enough crazy stories for my autobiography "Never Famous")... But I can't really think of one thing that I've achieved that I'm really proud of. (aside: is this kind of pride bad? wait- are there types of pride?...) Which is a bit scary because I'd always hoped and assumed that by the time I was cold and grey I'd have a whole collection of things to look back on to give me a warm fuzzy feeling.
Anyway, all of a sudden I'm feeling all assertive- in a fear-driven sort of way... Waiting for things to fall into my lap is a stupid way to get things done - so I'm making a little list of things that I want to do in the next year- hopefully at least one of them will come off.
So (number one!) - If you're of the praying kind, sarah and I are starting to put plans together to make our choir for out-of-work-actors a proper organised, advertised, schabang on a larger scale with a pro MD with a view to doing termly concerts. For this we need to pray in; an MD, £40 a week to pay MD, money to pay transcribers (or transcribers who'll do it for free), free photocopying (this is the toughy!), and a venue. I am staring at these hurdles ready to give up but Sarah is assuring me that it's do-able. And she should know- she is a get-up-and-do-er.

UPDATE

2006-01-25T02:55:00.000-08:00

For those who are interested in how I'm doing and stuff...
I'm moving house this week- we're going to be homeless for a month probably so I'll just go back to Marsworth and commute til our rental or sale is sorted out (basically there are 2 identical houses in our building that are up for rent/sale - and one way or another we're almost certainly going to end up living in one of them!)
I'm curently trying not to stress too much about money (what's new)- the agency I've been working for don't have nearly enough work to go round now the sales are over so I'm hardly earning anything at the mo. I've got a job interview with a care-work agency tomorrow but that will take 5 weeks to go through anyway because I have to get ANOTHER flippin CRB check which the cheeky whatnots want me to pay for! I'm also chasing up a couple of other job possibilities- but all prayers are most welcome!
On a happier note- I'm having mucho funo with my new Christmas ipod nano! I'm probably going to get arrested for singing in the street -oh no wait that's only illegal outside parliament right? ;-) -Am currently listening to an album Rob lent me called ALTER-BOYZ The Musical: which is a show about a Christian boy band (think 'Saved'). Rob said it's hilarious but that's because he still has some shame. I think anyone who's done a schools-tour with a Christian pop band -and certainly anyone who's dated a "Christian rapper" ;-) - would find these songs with titles like "Church Rulez", "God put the rhythm in me" and "La Viva Eternal" so close to reality that it's not even tongue-in-cheek.
Anyway- plans for this week-
It's my new band's first gig on Thursday. Well, actually it's just a jam night at a pub, but it's our first outing so we thought we'd start small! Apparently we're called NOT QUITE FAMOUS (hmmm) - and we play Motown and 70s disco covers. Lovely Luton bass-player Jo is in it and a bunch of people you've never met. And last night at practice, for the first time I thought, blimey, we sound really good.
Jude's birthday is almost upon us- so looking forward to all associated shannannigans (have no idea how to spell that but loving putting all those n's in). Am also planning a little trip to Essex to see my hilarious mate Lee (a friend from South Pacific) in his panto. So there we go.

Grey: The New Red

2006-01-25T02:26:00.000-08:00

In a not-so-disguised attempt to get a comment on my blog published in The Guardian, I'm going to start randomly commenting on current affairs.
So here's your high-brow section boys and girls....

Leave. Them. Alone. The Forestry Commission has been given the job of killing grey squirrels because of the threat they are to the native red squirrel. Is it just me or is everything a "threat: to be controlled and contained" these days. Squirrels? Really? Anyway, I protest. For a number of reasons....
1) I like grey squirrels. They're tough and fearless little buggers, they like to eat (anthing and everything- I'm with you guys), and they have a totally comedy appearance (like a miniature kangeroo with a feather-duster up its butt).
2) Let's straighten something out. These are not ruthless killers. They are not turning up at red squirrels' warrens with AK47s, assuming their identities and burying them under their patios. This isn't even a tale of cross-cultural West-Side-Story style gang rivalry. The poor little greys are just inadvertantly carrying a virus which has no effect on them but kills a red within 2 weeks. They're SICK little fluffy animals... and probably quite paranoid ones now that they've seen friend-after-fluffly-red-friend kick the bucket soon after their meeting...
3) I hate all this "they're not really British" business. If the first greys arrived in the 1870s, then we must be on at least the 30th generation of them by now. Are they still squeaking in American accents? Do they salute the star spangled banner every morning before nut collection? Would we like them to attend citizenship class?
And let me get this straight. They sail across the Atlantic during the mid-19th Century and upon arriving in a new world proceed to disrupt the native way of life with their different approach to the land and bring a pox that kills much of the indigenous population. Any of this sounding strangely familiar?

Best present Ever Ever EVER

2006-01-20T04:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I received a parcel in the post. Rob, thinking that I was probably bored to death with squirting Ralph Lauren at passers-by (and not far-wrong), had sent me a present to cheer me up. It wasn't until this morning that I had a chance to listen to my new CD - "Wearing Someone Else's Clothes" the new (well only) album by Jason Robert Brown and his Caucasian Rhythm Kings.
Joy oh joy. This (as I had suspected since going to his concert in December...twice), is musical bliss. I don't orinarily like to recomend music to others as I am all too aware of my unusual tastes, but let's put it this way...

I listened to the entire album through twice in one sitting doing nothing other than listening, drinking tea, dancing round the kitchen, and trying not to cry at the very very moving and beautifully melodic "Someone to Fall Back On." "Getting Out" and "I could be in love with someone like you" are comedy genius. There's a gospel section at the end of "Coming Together" that sends not shivers but bolts of lightening up your spine, with impossibly hot vocals from guest singer Lilias White.

Meanwhile, "Music of Heaven", which I can only imagine is written about an experience non-Christian JRB had in church once - is surely the greatest encouragement/motivation/heart-break any worship-leader could get from a song:
"Cynical, cold,
Challenging music of heaven
to open a crack in my chest
and let something glorious in...
...They sing and cry and I watch,
Lean back in my chair,
The classic New Yorker,
Alone among millions,
Indifference upon my face,
Out of place, but longing to feel what you feel...
Dry eyes and cold hands,
Judging and standing apart...
...waiting and wondering
when will it open my heart?...
And I hear you sing Holy Father,
and I want to sing Holy Father,
I need to cry, I need to believe
...and I can say yes!
Let the music begin. "
(extract from Music of Heaven by Jason Robert Brown)

Thank you Bertie, you're a gem.

A Poem

2006-01-20T04:10:00.000-08:00

I guess anyone having a really winning week might want to avoid my more sincere blogs at the moment! But on a similar theme to Wednesday's thoughts about failure... (coz it's great to be so upbeat!)

There's a lyric in a Jason Robert Brown song:
"When people think I'm failing, they never understand that temporary setbacks are part of what I planned..."

But if you're really in the mood for some profundity...
My incredible drama school teacher Ian Ricketts (aka: the yoda of GSA) in all his wisdom sent me this poem about a year ago for seemingly no reason whatsoever. It's wonderfully wise and very beautiful and I don't think he'd mind at all me sharing it with you.

How much is owed to suffering we avoid,
both pain and implication stab
before we can assemble the defence
and wherever, to whomever, it may be
it occupies, preoccupies, our consciousness.

The keep is manned by foreigners,
inscrutable, remorseless, humourless
and strange; unthinkable we could
absorb them as our own and yet
in time we do, the hourly knock,
the uniform we recognise in silhouette,
the tread and the habitual smell
become familiar.

Exchange is first in anger, pain and disbelief
invasion happened undeserved and
unprovoked; it came mid-afternoon
a first warm sun upon the face, or on
a morning when the pattern of routine
seemed firm, from first encounter
with the early Greek to vistas
unimaginable ahead.

But there it is, it came
and then, by stealth, this hurt
ordains our taste, our values
and our government, grows
in our gardens, bearing wit
and even shapes the skill
for which intent remains to serve
that yet more subtle cause
for which we breathe,
for which we came.

By Ian Ricketts

Neighbours: Wednesday

2006-01-18T08:59:00.000-08:00

Well now we know how to simulate a plane crash with a btec in screenwriting and an effects budget of £0.

GEEK WEEK

2006-01-18T08:56:00.000-08:00

In response to my plan to read more books than I managed last year (6), Jude suggested the Harry Potter Series, and having ruthlessly hooked me by reading the first chapter aloud at 3am when I was too tired to argue, lent me The Philosophers Stone.
Despite my natural aversion to all things fantastical, especially those involving goblins and dragons, I was reeled in just like everyone else. I started…wait for it… reading instead of watching TV. I finished it in a week (and I read SUPER SLOW!!!) So Jude’s lending me the other books and I’m well on my way to embracing the geek within.

So in celebration of my literary success, I would like to hereby declare this week GEEK WEEK. Everyone must do at least one geeky thing everyday (some may find this easier than others) and log down your nerdy achievements in the comments box.

Innocence Lost

2006-01-18T08:54:00.000-08:00

Talking of children’s books – I recently saw a theatrical adaptation of prize-winning children’s novel Coram Boy at the National Theatre. Teenage pregnancy, mass infanticide, child sex trafficking and a very realistic public hanging were just some of the elements that made up this pitch black 19th century “tale of two orphans.” Were kids books always this dark? Ok, we always had stories about kid wizards and old hags and dragons in the classroom and stuff- but that’s because it’s every kids’ fantasy to have some sort of magic autonomy like the control adults seemingly inexplicably have over children. Then there was the fad that was Point Horror. But since when did kids read real-life crap on the page?
p.s. I told my sister at the interval it was too bleak and I felt both removed and unmoved by the play. She was, as you can imagine, laughing like a big smug thing when a small slave child finally having a mother to look after him reduced me to a quivering sobbing wreck. “Unmoved, huh…”

WINTER HIBERNATION

2006-01-18T08:45:00.000-08:00

Apprently, bereft of my televisual wisdom, you’ve all ended up sat in front of American Idol and Chuckle Brother re-runs. But fear not my lovlies- your knightess in sparkly armour is finally here to rescue you from TV hell…

First things first though- we’d better clear some space in that TV Guide:

WHAT NOT TO WATCH

- Celebrity Big Brother – who are they?
- Soaps – Let me save you the bother: there’s nothing happening. In any of them.
- Lost – They found a shaft? Big deal. Season 2 will soon be coming to E4. My advice: don’t bother.
- E.R. – What once was cutting edge drama now looks like one long Déjà vu. The only hope for this, the 8000th Season is that the wonderfully feisty Sally from 3rd Rock From The Sun is joining the cast as the new no-nonsense nurse. (Anyone else remember when she brilliantly parodied ER on 3rd Rock?)
- C.S.I. – These impossibly beautiful, wildly inappropriately dressed Crime Scene Investigators – [in 1 episode a female lead searched for clues in a blood-drenched room wearing a tight white designer suit] – seem to have taken over Channel 5. My parents even seem to know which of the identical characters belong to which of the 300 carbon-copy spin-off shows. – [CSI Miami, CSI Las Vegas, CSI Potters Bar…] With lines like “The killer obviously knew something about dwarf physiology” they’re obviously paying their writers in monkey-nuts. Most bizarre though is the way they depict a gaggle of detectives each with an encyclopaedic knowledge of, say, botany, genetics, woodlice, country dancing, Lithuanian royalty…well ANYTHING they can write a murder mystery around, and yet not one of them has the common sense to turn on the lights! I don’t think I can bare to watch one more CSI fannying around in the dark trying to discover clues and fingerprints with his pocket torch.

So…. Instead , pick from one of these treats:

ON THE BOX

- WW6 (more4, Fri 9pm) – Obviously.
- The O.C. – Back on terrestrial where it belongs, tune in to the brand new Season 3 on Ch.4 Sundays 2pm for beautiful people getting melodramatic on their yachts, plus lots of cheeky wit and self-referential irony. (How many times this series will Ryan punch someone at a party in defence of Marissa's/his family's honour? Ladies and Gentlemen, your bets please….)
- Desperate Housewives – Is Mike dead? We’ll soon know… (Wed. night,Ch.4)
- Sports Night – Season 2 is apparently showing on abc1. Catch it while you can because the DVDs cost £45. Totally genius sitcom from the clever clog who wrote the Wing. Makes you long to work on a cable sports channel (weird), plus it’s the only place you can see hunky Nate's great acting since he died on Six Feet Under.
- Dancing On Ice – It’s a totally cheap and tacky copycat version of Strictly Come Dancing, but the costumes are fabulously camp, seeing Torville and Dean again is like putting on an old pair of slipers that've been warming by the fire and being as the two kings of Saturday night entertainment (Ant n’ Dec) are AWOL there’s nothing else to choose from anyway. Years of dance give Bonnie Langford and John Barrowman clear advantages but Andi Peters has already won our hearts with all that mincing and falling over. But did they really have to call the judges the “Ice Panel”???
- House (Thurs.10pm,Ch.4) – OK, it is le grand fromage, and more predictable than the appointment of a Catholic Pope, but Hugh Laurie has a Golden Globe to prove that Doctor House is his most charismatic performance since Bertie Wooster and though little else, this is glossy, mindless fun.

And if all that doesn’t interest you…

KATE’S CHOICE OF LATEST DVD RELEASES

- Arrested Development (Seasons 1&2 available) – Witty, original, laugh-out-loud funny, this show has won every award going and just recently been axed after it’s 3rd Series. Shame. As Maeby says in Season 2, “Why are we going after this idiot demographic?”
- Scrubs (Seasons 1-3 available) – So much more than slapstick. A fine character comedy with a winning ensemble cast. Laugh-a-minute. (Michael- do they really have an ass-box?)
- The Frighteners (Directors Cut) – Peter Jackson’s 1996 comedy horror starring Michael J.Fox as an ordinary Joe accidentally embroiled in a ghouly mystery, was meant to be a PG-13 but when it got an R-Rating Jackson added more gore. Still, this is a very funny, very dark adventure, but well worth the trip. (And for the film-buffs- the extras on this are supposed to be wicked.)

CINEMATIC ANTICIAPATION FOR….

MUNICH
WALK THE LINE
THE GRIZZLY MAN

FREE-FAILING

2006-01-18T08:40:00.000-08:00

I feel a sense of failure almost constantly. I couldn’t tell you how it began or whether it is just a part of who I am, but lately I have been considering embracing failure as a positive life-style choice! There are definite positives to failure as well as negatives. Artisan had some great stuff on failure in its Autumn Issue. For those not lucky enough to receive what really is a GREAT publication (always brutally and helpfully honest) Let me share the best failure related quotes with you:

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavour.” Truman Capote
Craig Detweiler then goes on to chat about how aiming high and dreaming of far-fetched successes might be the “failure” of many an aspiring artist but they are also positive and important qualities lacking in the Christian community.

“Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend’s success.” Oscar Wilde
Wilde hits the nail on the head there (again) I reckon. It’s easy to presume as Christians secure in our identities and trusting in God for our futures that we are above petty jealousy, but in my case at least, it’s not true. Some of the toughest times to be a friend seem to be when you are having no success and a mate has great news that they need you to delight in with them. I guess that being called to be different isn't always about being immune to such things but going through them with Jesus and relying on his help and grace.

“More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered prayers.” St. Teresa of Avila
Since I read this, I remind myself of it often and can always think of a recent example of its truth.

“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill
How much do other people’s judgements of us or at least our perceptions of their judgements stop us from doing this?

DEAD OR ALIVE

2006-01-18T08:38:00.000-08:00

Many of you already know that my mum had an unfortunate Christmas shopping mishap in which I ended up with the contents of another Kate John’s Amazon Wish List. Having thoroughly enjoyed the entire first season of Twin Peaks after its very unexpected arrival, I was eager to discover the conclusions to all the many cliff-hangers in the final episode, including the shooting of the Holmesian hero, FBI Agent Cooper. But it turns out Season 2 is not available for love nor money. So if there’s anyone out there who has seen or knows someone who’s seen the 2nd Series, please let me know whether my lovely genius Agent Cooper made it to Season 2!

PLAY OF THE DAY

2006-01-18T08:36:00.000-08:00

Lights up on a Harrods Shop Assistant standing beside a large scarf rack. She is folding scaves and a large sign reading “50% OFF AL SCARVES” hangs above her. A young man enters and approaches her.

MAN: Are these your scarves?
ASSISTANT: (pause) Yes.

Hold onto your pants. IT'S COMING.....

2006-01-17T06:21:00.000-08:00

Still alive

2005-10-24T04:30:00.000-07:00

Just nothing to say right now

Must see DVDs

2005-10-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah ok- try as I might to blog about real things that happen in my life, I always end up getting really excited about films instead. Anyone that saw Will & Grace on Friday night- (an episode in which Jack & Karen mourn the passing of Sex & The City, Friends & Frasier and realise that without their favourite TV shows they have nothing to talk about) -may well have thought of me and understandably so- I did.
BUT that said- here are three films now available on DVD you must must watch. I'm not just talking small-fry-something-to-pass-the-time-it'll-make you smile/cry/laugh type movies... I'm talking GREAT film-making.

BEFORE SUNRISE & BEFORE SUNSET: (Ethan Hawke/ Julie Delpy, 1994/2004). Now available in a limited edition box set! (oooh). More like plays than movies, these two films, incredibly intelligently and insightfully written are funny, poignant, moving and wildly romantic but totally free of Hollywood tripe. All the action lies in the wonderfully 'real' performances of Hawke and Delpy, which are so truthful and subtle, they have a sort of transparency to them- I find them to be more inspired and inspiring than any other dramatic screen performances I've ever seen. It is also a rare treat to see screen characters age (the second film is set, and was filmed, ten years after the first)-and it is fascinating to see the way the writing team (of Hawke, Delpy and director Richard Linklater) create boundaries and fortresses, some real/practical, some emotional or imagined for their older characters...there's just such truth in it all. It also makes me laugh to watch Jesse on the train having the great idea of a 'reality' TV show ("The poetry of everyday life...like National Geographic- but for humans!") long before they became the bread and butter of TV. I have bought the boxset and will be watching it again and again.
STRINGS: From the real to the anti-real... Strings, which boasts an entirely Marionette cast, uses the world's finist string-puppeteers to tell a story which could only be told with string-puppets. I don't want to tell you too much- but this epic and magical resurrection of an art-form, will have you questioning politics, power, love and the meaning of life. And wondering: how on earth did they do that?

When Men Were Men (and women were women)

2005-09-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

Read a fascinating article by Barb Jungr in The Singer magazine this week about changes in popular singing. Specifically, she points out that "adult" voices have gone out the window in the last decade and we now have pop stars that sound like infants. She also highlights the replacement of authentic communication through song with "vocal gymnastics" and simulated, disconnected (though often heightened) emotion. If this sounds dull don't read on, but if you're a geek like me- here are some extracts:
"Song structures designed in studios and not on the pianos of Tin Pan Alley did not have the breadth of harmonic and melodic architecture that 'confined' singers to delivering the song. These new structures abandoned the rigidity of traditional melodic and harmonic shapes. The singer, thus 'liberated' is confined to gyrating around the repetitive patterns of the musical frame, making their mark through elaborate ornamentation."
"Quivering vibrato, curlicued melisma, notes held past the vanishing point: the favourite tricks of American Idol contestants are often like screams divorced from the pain or ecstasy that inspired them.
"The separation of 'authentic' emotion from its performed facsimile links these ubiquitos phenomena in contemporary singing- the breathy child and the gymnastic vocaliser."
"Ben Brantley argued that the influence of American Idol had infiltrated musical theatre voice production...'Good, well-trained voices that can carry a tune and turn up the volume come cheap. What does not is the voice that identifies a character as specifically and individually as hand-writing.' And herein lies the problem. It doesn't come cheap to invest in talent, to allow it to mature, to support its development and cherish its blossoming. We 'find'our voices over time, experience and understanding..."
"The auto-tuner effectively flattens out the vocal to the exact tonal pitch required, removing all idiosyncrasies which make the voice special... Factor in a society where people in their mid-twenties live at home..., a culture of fast-fix where it seems what is best required for commercial success is to be the most like something already on the market. Add to that a reluctance to engage in what is real, but to emulate ...a soundalike emotion, and what you get is a wall-to-wall carpet of similarity of either tone or vocal styling and increasing youthfulness...of sexlessness or of simulated sexuality."
"Fame must be achieved at all costs, and one very easy route...is pop stardom, because anyone can sound like today's singers. And anyway, everything can be fixed in the studio (or the operating table) and it doesn't require any actual ability or need to communicate. And...we...they...are cheated of something. And only time will tell what the price of that will be."

Quick Update

2005-09-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

SO...

I have somewhere to live- I'll be moving in with Hannah West in Hammersmith from end of October to end of January...
I have no job. Please pray!
I'm currently staying with Sarah and Matt- who I have so far forced to play roulette, scrabble and learn to play "Craps" with Marlon Brando's recording of Luck Be A Lady playing in the background (and if you think the name of the game is rude wait til you discover the names of some of the points within the game). Incidently, having run out of betting chips, Sarah placed the winning bet of the game with a cashew nut. Theoretically I think she now owns every cashew nut in the London area. They have both been stars, as has my sis.
Feeling: Very happy to be here with so much time to hang out with people I think are great. (Have had such a busy social schedule!) BUT anxious about lack of jobbage and ever increasing overdraft. Trusting God to have a plan but wingeing to Him a lot as well! Also have quite a few random and unformed ideas floating around my head about things I'd like to do/set up/be involved in here so I'm trying to weigh them up and decide whether any of them have legs... All prayer most welcome.

Assassination : Just Not Cricket

2005-09-23T05:09:00.000-07:00

Went to see Rob and Rho in a production of Stephen Sondheim's Assassins on Wednesday. For those unfamiliar with the show, it's a fictional (and musical!) account of the historical characters who attempted the murder of various US presidents with some attempted guess-work at what drove them to it. The lovely thing about it dramatically (well it's Sondheim-the music takes care of itself), is that the stage becomes this timeless void where the assassins (from different decades...centuries even) can communicate and philosophise over their similar/differing predicaments. The central idea being that Abraham Lincoln's assassin set the precedent and assassination became the most extreme way to register your socio-political discontent: Within the piece he becomes the ring leader, inspiring/coercing the others into action- and with every murder his celebrity is reincarnated-every dead assassin needing the next one to survive in the eye of History.
ANYWAY- I didn't mean to tell you any of that- I just wanted to discuss Britain's comparitive LACK of assassination attempts on kings/queens/PMs. My suggested theories:
- Separation of powers= since our PM doesn't have the individual power/authority inherent in the American presidency, political discontent does not rest so heavily on one man's shoulders. (Plus in a geographically smaller country it is easier to register your discontent and 'have your voice heard' through peaceful protest and the media).
- British cynicism and "we've had it worse" syndrome = This country has a history of class-based oppression, whereas America was built on the dream of a better, fairer land for its poor immigrants. When the dream repeatedly fails to become a reality, the victims of poverty, feeling cheated by political hypocrisy place their blame where the buck stops.
I dunno- just thoughts...

For Jude really...

2005-09-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

http://www.wibsite.com/features/olympicdesserts/

Islington Fame Academy Update

2005-09-19T07:07:00.000-07:00

Chords learnt:
C G D A E B Em F Am B7 G/B Bm Fm Am7 Em7 C#m G7 E7 D7 A7 D/F#

Current musical triumphs:
Oh Sit Down/ Common People/ American Pie

ONE FOR THE GIRLS: a review

2005-09-18T03:54:00.000-07:00

Austen for dummies? No. Austen for the impatient.
The new 90 minute beautifully cinematic adaptation of Pride and Predudice is a chick flick for anyone who liked Bridget Jones. And what's wrong with that?
The fast pace of the action serves romantic intensity (an intensity increased by a couple of rather emotional declarations of love by Matthew MacFadyen's Mr. Darcy). However, the plot's velocity strips away the tone of female m/c boredom from Austen's world of needlecraft and pianofortes (a tone inevitably far more pervading in the 5 hour BBC adaptation), but with it is also lost the sense of desperation for diversion and eventual rescue from the mundane life of maidenhood.
Here the emphasis is placed, quite reasonably, on the need for fnancial rescue - The social difference between the Bennetts and the Darcys so marked it sometimes feels like a Cinderella story. But no-one ever wrote so well of the economic need to marry or of the gulf between country and city life better than Jane Austen and this is an adaptation rooted in these themes.
The biggest victim of extreme editing is the character of Mr.Wickham, who's minimal appearance allows Keira Knightley's Lizzy to make it to the finish line with her halo pretty-much intact, creating a less flawed, less modern, less lovable heroine.
Mind you, it's easy to be high-brow about such things: Jude and I had raised eye-brows at some new, clonky, 20th century-sounding dialogue in the final act, but it's worth remembering that Jane Austen wrote witty romantic fluff with some social commentary thrown in (Helen Fielding knew exactly what she was imitating when she wrote her updated version), and this is the film to match...
It is filled with lovely performances, of far more subtlety than the charactured BBC portayals, from the likes of Brenda Blethyn, Tom Holland, Judi Dench...and...dare I say it... a thoroughly entertaining and intelligent turn from young Miss Knightley. And all ye who cry "NO!" remember: We only dislike her because she's pretty.
You might well feel a little short-changed by the abrupt ending, but this will put a smile on your face for an hour and a half and change the way you feel about Matthew MacFadyen forever.

LOST Untold

2005-09-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

Miraculous healings? The dead rising from their graves? Mankind reverted back to a primitive almost mythical land where it must fight for its survival against nature, its own individual inner demons and its fellow man? Not to mention the apparently beautiful (!) “eye of the island” which makes monster-y noises and knocks off the inhabitants leaving them on tree-tops. I am of course talking about the wonderful Channel 4 show, Lost. Easily the best US import to hit our screens since The West Wing, debatably the best telly to hit our screens since The West Wing Series 4. Oooh...controversial.
If you’re a fan of the show (and if not, why not), you might be interested in knowing that it has the most fantastic website. Go to the LOST Untold section and you could spend literally days investigating characters’ backstories, finding clues and trying to work out what the flip is going on. It’s really dark and very interactive - my sis and I were actually a bit scared at one point that something was gonna pop out of the screen and get us! Great fun.

Home is where the heart is

2005-09-15T08:27:00.000-07:00

1. May have somewhere to live... (i'll keep you posted but looks good...)
2. Prayed with my sister today and we were both really struck with how God so often seems to have us both going through really similar stuff at the same time- It's like he uses our sisterhood for blessing/empathy/encouragement. She also used an image whilst praying which was exactly the same as the image I had had when praying earlier in the day. Anyway, it was really lovely-thanks em.
3. No job yet, I'll let y'all know...

The Islington Fame Academy

2005-09-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

Guitar chords learnt so far:
A E D C G F Em Am Dm Cm

Only thing is: I took up the guitar to look cool.
So far: Not looking so cool.
Last night's rendition of Killing Me Softly after 2 glasses of wine: Anything but cool.
Although my sister thinks that my extended vowel sounds ("kiiiiil...no..er...kiiiilll...wait...kiiiiiiiilling me softly with hiiii...hiiiiiiiiis song...") may spawn a new art form.
But not a cool one.

An Even More Trivial Pursuit

2005-09-13T08:22:00.000-07:00

The questions on Trivial Pursuit have got easier.
How do I know? My friend (who shall remain nameless) and I were playing 3 very clever people last night. In order to stand a fighting chance we teamed up against them. After many many years of being whipped at TP every Christmas, I was expecting the same old bashing. But lots of the questions in this very 'new' edition were "guessable" and had a clue to the answer in the question. What's more, the roll again squares have been replaced with these zoomy things that take you straight to the widgys. The net result of which was my friend and I actually gaining all our widgys but one by the end of the game and even having a clear lead at one point. Shocking stuff huh. NOW where will I be now that I've lost one of the good solid pillars of my intellectual inferiority complex?
Oh, and if anyone from the Trivial Pursuit company is reading this: With a Little Bit of Luck is from My Fair Lady, not Oliver. We may be thick but we know our shows.

Dick Whittington with a bag about 50 times the size of a hanky and no cat

2005-09-13T08:09:00.000-07:00

....and who is under no illiusions when it comes to the colour of London streets.
Well, I've arrived in Islington , my temporary home. Sarah, Matt and Em are being total loves in letting me stay on their floors (and use their computers!) and it's been so nice hanging out with them. Also, I have an audition every day this week except wednesday (weird-but good!); the nicest so far being auditioning for a fringe play some mates are doing at the Etcetera. It just felt so good to go read for a play and not have to sing a single flippin note. Hooray. Also, my director from panto last year wants me to go audition for him again- I guess just in case I've got really fat since January?! (Please no comments!)

RETURN OF THE MAC

2005-09-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

Yes....Ladies and Gentleman....she's back..